Why am I reflecting on this at six in the morning? Well, it's a long story but I can give you the breakdown.
I graduate from a university a little over a year ago. I always thought I'd end up with this great job, move away from home, and be chasing my dreams. The reality is so depressing sometimes I just want to cry. I'm sure I don't have to go into specifics. Most people that have graduated in the last couple of years are going through the same thing.
So, how does all this tie together. It's through my reflections on my current situation that I realize how much I cling to the hopes I was taught in Disney films.
My second year of college... I had a mental breakdown that had been years in the making. I had become so insecure with myself that I was afraid of going to class just because people terrified me. It was a strange mentality of "I'm a failure anyways why prolong the inevitable", with a wonderful dose of "Oh my God, I have to deal with people. What do I do?" I'm sure there was more to add to this cocktail of self hate but those were the most prominent feelings I can remember.
To say I failed that semester is an understatement. In fact, I did so horribly that as soon as my Academic Advisor saw my mid-semester grades she told me, "You need to stop dreaming. You will never going to amount to anything." Now, I can say this was definitely the last thing I needed to hear. If I had felt worthless before I went into her office... I left that office contemplating the quickest way to kill myself. Thinking there? "I'm a waste of human space."
Now, my advisor tried to take back those words after she saw the look on my face coupled with the knowledge that I wasn't a rich kid. It was heavily implied that had my mother not been a housekeeper, and my father a retired painter, she would have never taken back those words. This however, is food for thought on another post.
Here comes the connection. Although, I have come a long way from the suicidal mess I was, with my current situation that little voice is back. The one that tells me I'm worthless. I've learned to fight it. But I realize that it always comes with those infamous words "You need to stop dreaming. You will never amount to anything."
Somedays I find myself almost believing it and thinking "Oh my God, she was right." Today, I found myself combating those insecure thoughts with the lyrics to A Dream is a Wish, "no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, a dream that you wish will come true."
And if for some reason anyone comes across this blog and decides to read it, the point I'd like to emphasis is this... keep on dreaming. No one is going to be the one to get you to your dream but yourself. If someone says "you can't do it" well prove them wrong. A couple of years ago, I would never be able to turn my thoughts into a positive spin. I just keep telling myself that my day will come.
I tell myself to "keep moving forward". If a fellow Disney nerd is reading this you will remember this line from Meet the Robinson's. More importantly this quote was said by the man himself. (If you know anything about his life, you'll understand why he's become more of a hero to me as an adult.)
To bring this to a full circle. I remember Disney films being my escape when my reality became too overwhelming as a child. Now, it has become my inspiration of hope. When people tell me that Disney is only for children. I find it hard not to laugh. What is so bad about believing that dreams can come true? Maybe if we all believed in a little bit of magic, and all realized we are wishing upon the same stars the world would be a happier place.
"All your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -Walt Disney
Cinderella castle at Walt Disney World in Florida.
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